Just had a quarrel with my mummy minutes ago. It all started with a news report on the scholarship for prisoners. Then my mum started questioning why I didn't apply for any scholarship months before. At this point, I had no choice but to admit that I was feeling very terrible the whole week over my disappointing result and when I wanted to apply, the deadline was over. I admit that I was wrong to have not applying for it the minute I got my results but that shouldn't amount to being heartless to them. I had every intention of getting a scholarship if I can to relieve them of the burden of my costly school fees but from what I read in the scholarship magazines and research I did on the Internet, I have to have excellent results to apply. I really had tried my best to obtain the 'excellent' results needed but couldn't.

I am really feeling very hurt being accuse of being heartless. At that point of time all that I know is that my results are not good enough to apply because I never had the 3 A's and the dragon batch is very competitive. It was much later that I realise I could actually go for it with my decent set of results. However by that time the PSC scholarship was due and I couldn't obtain the password to apply because it requires 5 working day to process. I tried applying for 2 others that still had 2 days to apply but the website seems unable to load after trying for the 2 days then I couldn't finish writing the 1000 over words essay as I was working. I had nobody else to blame but me.

Its just that I didn't expect my parents to think of it as me being selfish to the family and not putting in effort to relieve them of their burden. I did tried my very best to get the result that look good enough to apply for scholarship and if the results were as I had targeted, I would definitely gone on to apply on the very day I obtain the result itself. But they just refuse to listen to my explanation and insist that it was my every intention to 把他们的钱榨干。 I am sorry I disappointed both of you but just because of that all my effort are being overlooked and branded as 千古罪人。

If not for the fact that I wanted my family to have a better life, I would have chosen to go FASS to pursue my interest but the reality is that the 3 years honours business can help my parents to save 1 year school fee and to allow me a brighter job prospects. I am really in a dilemma now. I wanted to tell them that I plan to apply next year when I choose my specialisation and know whether I am able to take econs as my second specialisation but realise it will mean nothing to them now because it hasn't happen. I will work hard even if it means having to slog my guts just to obtain it as I had promise months ago but the question is, will they ever recognise my efforts?