Realise I have not been hearing critical comments about myself this past months. That's why I found myself not able to blog much because my thoughts are not triggered. I am writing this post not because I am angry with anyone.I can call this another realisation of what I am like in other people's eyes. All these years I am trying to resist any influence anyone else may bring on me for fear I may lose my personality all together. 但这似乎给别人造成了很多困扰，让人觉得我很难相处，老是要迁就我。对此我感到十分内疚，我会尽量改变.However in respect to my somehow ideas in life like the conservative thoughts, how i hate to 纵容任何人 or regarding what we should do, i feel that I will still change for the sake of changing. However, I will not force anyone to think like me and I have long given up on this. Because I know everyone is different and by forcing my ideas it will only make others 反感。In regards to the comments that I will only do things that I think are right, I would like to say that I do things that I think suits my character, I can think you are doing a right thing( action, thoughts,ideals) for yourselves and I may also think I may also like to do it now but 我不喜欢随波逐流。I am just afraid that I may be doing something only because others are doing it and 会丧失原来的自我. I did not purposely oppose anything others want to do（e.g where to go, to eat, to do) because of this reason this only applies to some more in-depth ideals. If people think that I am weird because of the different ideas I have then I will just not express them at all..

I think that's why I always don't fancy talking too much on the phone or saying philosophical ideas because I find myself guilty of saying some of the things I am not doing myself but telling others as its the general thing people want to hear. I will feel hypocritical after that. I can't really tell lies even if its a white lie. 我过不了自己那一关and will keep thinking that I am so disgusting to say something i don't mean or didn't 以身作则。我不爱屈服于强势，如果因为要得到好处而做作我会讨厌自己活得很没原则。Its complicating, tiring and ironic. But this is life itself.

从古到今， 都是寡不敌众，少数服从多数。 Being different from how people dress, act or talk will make you a strange creature, people just cannot accept why some others act like that. Don't tell me its not true because I have experienced it mysellf as early as in secondary school.

E.g
Not acting matured = Childish
Not wearing the 'in' stuff = Old-fashioned, don't know how to dress-up
Not acting lady-like enough = Rough
Speaking chinese = China People
Taking interest in academic stuff = Nerdy

In the end after enduring the greviences, you have to just blame yourselve for not acting like others and others are still young then therefore unable to accept the diffence so we cannot blame them. So if even kids stereotype people, how can we expect adults to be more open-minded. They may act so but will still disaaprove of you behind their back. I also don't need majority of the people to think or act like me, I don't fancy seeing so many SimHui around also.

最后大多人都会在压力下屈服，难掩悠悠之口， 被口水淹死了。有个性和固执只是一线之差。不是不为别人而改变，只是尽量想在不影响别人的情况下保留自己最初的理想。