On 6th Jan, I woke up to a beautiful morning or rather noon in SINGAPORE, still in an unclear state of mind, thinking whether I have left China. I started to take enjoy the fresh air, get used to my mother's nagging and my friend's smses.

Slowly, the days pass by, till the 4th day. I suddenly came to realise that 2011 has arrived, with or without my acknowledgement. It seems that when everything comes back into order, changes seems so imminently clear.

On this slightly misty morning, i sat beside my living room's window, pondering over this emptiness i am experiencing at the moment. Its like a sudden realization that time has cruelly taken away some of the best times in my University life I would give my everything to continue with. Then i slowly realise that this emptiness comes from the fact that I can't go back to the days I have so looked forward to during the darkest days in Beijing. But this feeling wasn't the emo-ness that I so frequently experience before I went Beijing. There seems to be a veil covering my heart so well that anything is kept outside of it. I don't know whether it is due to maturity but I prayed hard to myself that Beijing's experience hasn't made me a cold hard feeling person that I never want to become. Even after seeing some of the worst things that I never believe could happen, I still hope that I can bluff myself into thinking that I can be the same person as I was in the past.

The fact that it was just 24 weeks but made me felt such difference psychologically makes me afraid. I don't know which part of me has changed yet and is still slowly in a discovery process. For the first time in my life, I feel rather scare about myself. If this was who I thought will be better if I became, I have yet to see if that is true. My resolution for 2011 is to let nature take its course, to not have a resolution and see where life takes me to. The 'fight' for better life, for more wisom has lost its purpose for the time being. What I hope for is a 忘记时间，忘记自己的一年 :)



还是喜欢《情歌》:)里的单纯 不喜《情歌没有告诉你》的复杂情绪。。

如果一切都是简单的，那多美好？