Its one of those days when you feel terribly down and feel like leaving this place behind all together, finding somewhere where you values govern the way the world works.

Here is an account of what happen:

On a late Friday night, I finally came home after spending time with 8 cats in my sister's home discussing about future direction and pets. Just when I thought everything is gonna be alright, I saw this letter on my table. 'On Government Service' was printed boldly on the envelope. No, I don't need to go for reservice or pay income tax yet but I was expecting this letter to come for weeks after my MOE interview. Everything went well on the interview day. I requested to be interviewed as an Economics teacher and had reasons to backup that up. The 2 principals who interviewed me seem to love children more than academics pursuit to understand my passion in Economics. I don't blame them, we are all educated in this meritocratic society where everything depends on a piece of PAPER. Or rather, govt like to look at the piece of paper. Yes, I am an expected or definite first-class undergrad. Yes, I am on Dean's list. Yes, I have proved myself motivated and responsible enough to be a teacher at the interview. But NO, i don't have the Bachelor of Economics piece of paper.

So they rather have someone not interested at all in this subject at all, or didn't even quite understand this subject to teach this. And I have seem numerous Economics teachers like that to prove my point. But i guess the paper is the best gauge they could use to screen the 3500 applicants they look at. Its not the most effective method but who are you to say it isn't. Unless u are influential enough, if not 套一句俗话，回老家种田吧。

I was told, this could be a blessing in disguise. If they had accepted me, maybe I would have to face other problems when I am inside when dealing with this rigid education system. Yet, that night, I twist and turn in bed, thinking if I still wanted to find a job to use my Economics knowledge intensively if people don't take my second major seriously. Some Economics classmate told me jokingly once, "You can join us, but you can never be one of us". A joke that is painfully true. So what if I can go for your modules, set up the society, wear the 'Economist' shirt, declare to the whole world my love for the academic pursuits of Economics? All this are in vain because I am still a Business graduate. We work our way in with 'A's to learn common sense, that's what people think we are? But we do more practical work than theory, we learn to prepare for the working world, to fit ourselves in this capitalistic society. All these complements my knowledge of the Economics mechanisms in the world. So what if you understand but can never put it into words to express to others the beauty of Economics.

To give you up 'My Love', is such a pain.
But to insist on our relationship when the whole world doesn't seem to believe it, is a torment.
You give me so much utility that my indifference curve is so much tended towards you.
But the budget constraints forbids me to choose you.
You brought with you, joy in the early and lost years of my life.
My only way to repay is to remember your love forever.
As I write, I teared. Silently hoping.
If there is the slightest chance, may we be reunited one day.
~To my dear Economics~