~All good things come to an end~

Today marks the end of BOP session (Officially)

Though I am still going back next week to teach my kid, it wouldn't feel the same anymore.

I guess I wouldn't pretend to be happy now because I am not.

But there is no point holding on to something that wouldn't be the same as before.

Wishing the world comes to an end isn't what I want either.

I hope to have something to look forward to in life. something that can make me laugh and feel like the happiest person on earth. The key to this is, LOOK FORWARD. Because the past is gone and will just be beautiful memories left in your heart.

The lost of a constant motivation source just meant that I have to look for another. When the time comes, you have to give it up. There isn't any point trying to keep it with you.

Its difficult, its tough, I guess at each stage in life, we have experienced it. During primary school, secondary school, jc,... Its just that this time round, its more difficult, because there are lots of uncertainties ahead.

What if I never feel happy again? What if I never will be the Simmy that I love so much again?

I need to move on. To keep dwelling on this issue again and again is stupid. Because I haven't even properly settle my life yet.

Not sure why it is so difficult to be a lucky person. I guess BOP made me forget for a while that I am not exactly a very lucky person, I normally don't get what I really want most of the time. Not sure whether its has to do with my character or what.

It isn't me being who I am without BOP, it feels empty. It feels like I am all alone in this world. I know I am not, but its just a feeling.

Its similar to the fear when I was all alone in my hotel room in Beijing when all my roomies left China. The thought that even if you die there, nobody shall realise. For that split second, I thought to myself that I may never get to make it back to Singapore alive.

Why is it so difficult for one to feel and be happy? To do what I like and to like what I am doing? I don't want to escape reality but I have no answers to my future. If praying even helps, I did that. But there doesn't seem to be any light gleaming ahead.

If I am born for a reason, tell me what is it?
Its a tiny hope inside wishing that my presence in this world could have some significance, no matter how small.